[OOC: White-text is hidden in this one. Warnings for discussion of underage sex, violence, and the like.]


Nathaniel rolls over fitfully in the bed, sighing as he settles on his stomach sprawled beside Asher's dead body. He drops back into the hazy slumber he'd risen from. But it isn't the dream of the hot breath in the darkness coming for him, darkness with damp palms and the smell of vodka. No, the dream that floats up around him, embraces him gently, places him in a home he hadn't set foot in for well over a year.

Through the hallway that held no pictures, with dust motes dancing in the dim sunlight that penetrated the house, warming the air. It made the scents of the house more acute.

Sweat.

Semen.

Leather.

Fur.

Blood.

Stare into the dark
As the abyss keeps calling

Sixteen steps from the edge of the hallway to the door. That door. The door he stands in front of now. The door with twenty-one stairs that led down, deep down, where no sunlight dared to pierce. No, down there, in the dusky air that smelled faintly of cold and damp under the blood and tears and sex, was where the beast waited. A beast that was insatiable, teeth sharp and ready to rip flesh from bone, but a beast that could look so beautiful, could tempt and caress and, in some way, love. The beast waited for him down there, he knows this, as it always had, and he's surprised his hand doesn't shake as he opens the door and his foot lands on that first step.

The second step.

Down he goes, his heart racing, because he knows what waits. The darkness devours everyone eventually; it had been a lesson young Nathaniel had learned early on. In the night, when nothing moved but the hunter that would crawl into the bed of its young prey, the darkness devoured innocence, devoured screams, devoured the soul. Still, he takes each step, bare feet silent, and he goes down into that darkness where the beast waited, until his foot hovers over that final step.

One.

Final.

Step.

And Nathaniel pauses, his mind racing as the yawning darkness opens its arms to him, as he hears movement beyond the light of the bulb above the landing.

Try to take a step
But then the mind keeps stalling

His foot finally leaves the stair, finally sets foot on the cool concrete of the vast expanse below the main house. Lamps lit here and there keep back some of the darkness, but just barely. The playroom Gabriel had dominated in life spread out before him, all manner of toys, restraints, and implements of sadistic, sexual torture ready and waiting to be used. Everything carefully cleaned so you'd never know that the person down here before you had bled and bled and bled, sobbing as they begged.

He'd left this behind.

This room, this house, the beast that he knows watches him from the shadows.

"You're dead," he whispers, shocked by the way his chest tightens, his eyes sting. "You're dead and this place long gone."

And the beast moves from the shadows, gray eyes glittering in the yellow-white light of a nearby lamp.

"I am dead," Gabriel purrs, his feet not making a sound as he elegantly crosses the floor, coming closer and closer to Nathaniel. "And this place is long gone, but still, I'm here. We're here. Why do you think that is, Nathaniel?"

Here on this night
So far away

Nathaniel shakes his head, taking a step back. "I left this behind," he whispers. "I left you behind."

Step-for-step, Gabriel keeps closing the distance between them. "You'll never leave me behind, sweet kitten," he says, eyes hungry and dangerous. "I made you what you are. So beautiful. Graceful predator without fangs, screaming for more, for more and more."

"No!" Nathaniel shakes his head again, eyes wide. "No, Gabriel, no."

"No?" Gabriel smirks, his pleasure in Nathaniel's fear and emotional pain clear to be seen on his face as the younger, slighter leopard is backed against the wall. "No wasn't a word you knew. No, Nathaniel, 'yes' and 'more' and 'please' were your words of choice as I made you writhe and scream and come."

Nathaniel lets out a sob, bowing his head. "Gabriel..."

"Sweet, sweet kitten," Gabriel breathes as his hand slides into the long, loose copper of Nathaniel's hair. Nathaniel knows what's coming even before it happens. The fingers tighten, yank, and his throat is vulnerable, exposed to the stronger, meaner, dominant male of the pard. The reaction is immediate: his knees go weak, a cry leaves his lips, and his cock hardens in his jeans. A shudder rushes down his spine when Gabriel's tongue draws up the arch of his throat. "It wasn't all so bad." Gabriel's lips move against the tender meat of his neck, where his pulse pounds. "It wasn't all bad at all, Nathaniel, and I think that's what made it all that... much... worse for you... then and now."

I fear the night
I fear the dark

Nathaniel feels tears slide down his temples. "I loved you," he whispers, the words shaky and thick. "I loved you because I thought you saved me. You got me clean, you protected me, you got me the apartment, you never let the tricks go too far." He reaches up and untangles Gabriel's fingers from his hair and dances away from him, opening his eyes to stare at a ghost he'd thought he'd buried. "But you didn't love me. You didn't love me how I needed to loved, Gabriel, and you did so much harm... too much harm."

"Harm?" Gabriel chuckles, crossing his arms over his bare chest. "I don't think so, Nathaniel. I got you off the streets, off the drugs, and gave you a new life. You were reborn! Protected, and all you had to do was obey me."

"Obey you," Nathaniel agrees. "I obeyed you, Gabriel, craving those so rare times when you'd be gentle with me, show me the difference between the pain and blood and the pleasure of what I thought was lovemaking. But you just used me, Gabriel. You and Raina used me. You would have used me up if you'd lived long enough to do it." It makes Nathaniel's heart ache. "The things I did for your approval... the things that made me so ashamed then, shame me now, and I can't give all of me to my lover now because of what you turned me into."

Gabriel laughs, shaking his head. "No, Nathaniel. I only perfected what you already were. It's like picking up a rough diamond and cutting, polishing it. You are what you are, and while I might have had a hand in honing what was in front of me, you gave me plenty of material to work with. Sweet kitten, the man who fondled you when you were seven and eight, who fucked you when you were thirteen, the pimps who beat you up and shoved you out on the street--"

"Shut up!" Nathaniel screams, covering his ears. "Shut up! You're dead! Dead and gone! Go away!"

"I'll never be gone, Nathaniel!" Gabriel shouts, grabbing Nathaniel by his upper arms. "Never!"

I never wanted to go
I never wanted to stay
I never wanted to be afraid

Nathaniel stares up at Gabriel through his tears, his heart racing as he gazes into eyes as pale as winter and just as cold. "I loved you. When you'd pet me, touch me, purr at me, I loved you. When you would flay the skin from my back, though, I hated you, Gabriel. I hated you with every fiber of my being."

Gabriel smiles, all sharp teeth and sadistic glee. "Love and hate, Kitten, are two sides of the same coin. It flips and flips in the air, never landing, love-hate-love-hate, over and over."

"Asher loves me," Nathaniel whispers. "Asher truly loves me. He doesn't hate me. I don't hate him. I just love him. I'm not afraid of him like I was of you!"

"Tell me, Nathaniel, is it really so different? Does love make the slavery any better?" Gabriel leans in, brushing his lips over Nathaniel's. "The collar is just as tight, the leash just as short."

Nathaniel closes his eyes, whimpering. "No."

"Yes."

I need this light
That distant spark

A sob leaves Nathaniel's throat. "They... love me."

"Again I ask," Gabriel purrs, smiling against Nathaniel's tear-streaked cheek. "Is it any better, Nathaniel? Does love make it hurt less?"

Nathaniel's knees give out as all the fight leaves him and only Gabriel's strength keeps him upright. "No," he admits, voice full of tears. "It hurts so much more."

Gabriel holds Nathaniel against him, petting the long hair, almost gentle, almost soothing. "Love is not the answer. It never was. A firm hand, Nathaniel, that's what you've always needed. It's what your heart longs for, and I gave that. You crave it even now, don't you?"

"No," Nathaniel chokes out, letting his head fall forward so he can hide his face from Gabriel's piercing eyes. "They... never make me do anything I don't want to. They don't rip me apart! They don't leave me bleeding!"

"And you are denied what you need!" Gabriel shouts.

Be who you are
What you were
What they see

Nathaniel gathers his strength and pulls away, stumbling back against the wall, the tears dripping from his cheeks. "I loved you, Gabriel, and you did nothing but torture me. The torture was made worse by those brief, fleeting moments when you touched me with care. I never want that again. I don't want to be afraid! I'm tired of being afraid. I was always afraid when you ruled the pard, when you ruled me! Love isn't real when you're so afraid of a beating that you'll do anything to prevent it."

Gabriel's surprise is evident on his face, those eyes calculating. "If I beat you, it was because you needed it."

"I never needed a beating," Nathaniel breathes as if he's just now realizing the truth of that statement. "I never needed to be tortured! I needed to be clean. I needed a job. I needed to be loved! Asher and Anita, Damian and Liz and Jason, they love me! They give me what I need, Gabriel; they give me everything I never knew I needed and everything you never taught me to want!"

From eternity's view
Tell me
Which one is me

Gabriel chuckles, shaking his head in obvious disappointment. "Oh, Nathaniel," he sighs. "You were a whore when I picked you up. You were a whore when I ruled you. And even now, you are a whore for those who hold the chains that bind you."

"If chains bind me," Nathaniel says, slowly backing up to the stairs, "then they do so because I choose to let them, not because I'll bleed if I shed them. Everything had a price with you, Gabriel, everything. The price was too much for me to pay then, and I will not pay you now. No more. I gave up everything for you and Raina and I received nothing in return. Just emptiness. I'm tired of being empty."

"You'll always be empty," Gabriel murmurs, eyes following Nathaniel's movements. "You adapt. You are nothingness personified, Nathaniel, until someone gives you something to fill yourself up with. You're empty, sweet kitten. You were then, you are now, and eventually, they'll see it, too, just like I did then."

Nathaniel sniffs, one hand finding the railing of the stairs while his other hand wipes the tears from his face. "I'll fill me up now, Gabriel. They all love me for me, all my brokeness and pain and shame. I'll fill myself with that."

Did you ever walk up
To the edge of a cliff

"A junkie whore, Nathaniel. You still need a firm hand! You still need me!"

Stare into the abyss
As your mind wonders if

One step.

Two.

Three.

"I needed help and you gave me pain and fear and degradation. Asher and Anita? They give me love and safety and respect. You're dead, Gabriel, and so is the boy you used and abused."

You should take one more step
Further into that night

Gabriel turns, steps closer, following Nathaniel up the stairs.

One step.

Two.

Three.

"No, sweet kitten, you're what you always were. A slut, a whore, and a plaything. You know it deep down, just as I do, just as they do."

Well your mind says you won't
But then this all is your life

Nathaniel's heart beats a traitorous rhythm, his fear and grief palpable. "You've devoured as much of me I'll give to you," he breathes.

Sixteen.

Seventeen.

Eighteen.

"I've given you as much of me as I will ever give, Gabriel. No more. Never again. What is left is mine."

Gabriel grins, just one step below him. "No, Nathaniel, I'm not through with you. Not yet."

Nathaniel knows he has to turn his back to Gabriel to open the door, release the latch, run into the dim sunlight of the musty hallway and away from this nightmare. "I'm through with you." He turns, hands working that latch, but then Gabriel's hands are on him, teeth in his shoulder, ripping, tearing, making him scream as he's dragged back down into that waiting darkness.

And it's the scream that wakes Nathaniel, his face wet as he sits up stiff and terrified in the bed beside Asher. His shoulder throbs, feels like teeth are in it, but the skin is whole. Nathaniel's eyes dart around the room, looking at the gathering shadows, looking for the monster of his past.

A monster he'd once loved.

When there is nothing, he buries his face in his hands and just sobs, wishing Asher could wake before the sun set, hold him, brush away these graying cobwebs of hellish nightmares and remembered reality. That had been Gabriel, Nathaniel is certain, and he knows he has no desire to return to dreams where the monster waits. He gets out of bed and goes to the bathroom on unsteady legs, turning on the shower.

He hides in the heat and spray of the water, weeping, curled in on himself.

"I'm through with you," he whimpers into his knees. "Please, please... please let me go, Gabriel... please..."

[OOC: Written in Google Docs by Liz-mun and Nathaniel-mun.]

Nathaniel hasn't really moved all that much. Depression does that to you.

He's been trying to figure out how someone who is supposed to love him, protect him, and wants him happy could do the one thing that would hurt him, leave him vulnerable, and make him the most miserable he's been in far too long. Yes, he still has Asher, and he'll never regret his choice, but he doesn't have Anita. She doesn't even want to look at him. He has been barred from returning to her house -- the house he's seen as home -- and it hurts.

Asher had left him perhaps half an hour ago, and Nathaniel feels it's all right to cry now. It's quiet, soft and subdued, muffled by the pillow he buries his face it. It smells of Asher, and he tries to take comfort in that. In his vampire. Asher wants him, will keep him, will even protect him, and Nathaniel hopes the hurting will soon start to fade. It's just so fresh at the moment, and he sobs, curled on his side, half under the blanket and sheet on the bed.

Liz was kind of starting to hate this whole change of past thing that was happening. It was bad enough that it was confusing and frustrating that memories she had were now different, as well as a few brand new ones that just kind of popped up in her head. Ones she was sure weren't there before. In general it was giving her a headache. The only saving grace was that it gave her a heads up on what was happening with Kitten. Sure it made her want to tear Anita a new one for doing it to him, but her first priority wasn't confronting Anita, it was making sure Nathaniel would be alright in the end.

Which is why she makes her way to the room he's occupying. It's fairly easy to track him down, even if she didn't have the ease of using his scent to locate him. Just knowing him and where he'd go was enough at the moment. A medium size bag swings from her arm, food and drink so that he won't have to leave the room unless he really wants to. Food because she wants to make sure he's eating. She knocks on the door to the room, "Kitten?" She doesn't as much wait for an answer before she's trying the door to see if she can slip in or if he'll have to let her in.

Asher hadn't locked the door behind him, so Liz can easily enter the room. Nathaniel lifts his head head from the pillow enough to wipe his nose and cheeks, giving a sniffle. He blinks a couple of times, and then allows his head to fall back down onto the pillow. "Hey, Liz," he murmurs, his voice thick. "Wasn't expecting company."

The door is closed gently behind her, eyes falling on Nathaniel with an expression that says she'd kill who did this to him if she could. Liz moves easily to the bed, bag dropped on the nearest surface between her and the bed. Settling on the edge of the bed, her hand goes to his shoulder. "Should have been. You know I'll never leave you alone hurt," she murmurs softly, hand running gently across his shoulder to offer comfort.

"I'm not alone," he says, closing his eyes for a moment. "Asher's with me usually."

She settles a little more on the bed, "Pardless then," she counters softly. "I'll never leave you."

Nathaniel offers her a watery smile. "Micah says I'm still part of the pard, even if I can't be at the house right now." But that still hurts, being basically evicted from his home.

There's a small tug, trying to pull him into her lap if he'll let her. "You'll never not be pard to me, Nat. Ever."

"It's not you who decides that," Nathaniel says, closing his eyes. "She's Nimir-Ra. If she doesn't want to protect me anymore..."

Liz pets through Nat's hair, "You won't loose me, Nat." Her tone says she won't abandon him. He's her Kitten and she'll stand by him no matter what.

Nathaniel sighs, giving another sniffle. "Micah says to give Anita a month, and then I'll be allowed back in the house. A whole month not seeing her." He opens his eyes. "It's only because Asher's a guy. She wouldn't be this pissed if I was fucking a woman."

Liz leans down a little, letting her hair fall around her and Nat as she looks down at him. "No, she wouldn't be. And it's such a stupid reason for her to be pissed." There's offered scritches and a soft purr to try and sooth him a little. "Hopefully the boys can get her to see the error of her ways."

"I'm not getting my hopes up," he says, eyes closing as she scritches. However, she gets no purr from him. He hasn't purred in days. "Anita will do what Anita wants. You know that."

Purr from him or no, she continues the scritches. She knows purrs are for when you're happy, right now she's just offering comfort. "Richard got her to bend before," she offers softly. Which meant it had been done before. It's possible to be done again.

"I somehow don't think Richard is going to be my advocate. He hates me, Liz."

"I didn't mean it that way, Nat," she says with a sigh. Liz tugs gently on a strand of hair in an effort to make sure he's paying attention, "I meant, if she bent once, it's possible for her to bend again." Her head lowers enough to rest her forehead on his, "I'm sure there are more people on your side than you think. Her accepting men together holds a lot of weight for not just you, Kitten." The more people that were held in the balance for this acceptance, the quicker she might come around to being alright with Nat being with Asher.

Nathaniel laughs, but the sound isn't pleasant. "Yeah. If she can handle Asher and me, then it opens the door to Asher and Jean-Claude fucking openly."

Liz sighs, soft and slightly frustrated. "What do you want, Kitten?" Because she's not exactly sure what would make him happy at this moment.

He covers his face. "I don't know, Liz. I want Asher, and I want Anita... and God knows what she's going to do when she finds out about Damian."

Liz shifts them, sliding down to warp around Nathaniel. "One problem at a time, Nat. First get her okay with Asher. Deal with everything with Damian after."

Nathaniel cuddles against her, nodding. "I know. I'm just... it hurts so much, Liz. I don't regret choosing him; I'll never regret choosing him. I just hate I had to choose at all."

She holds him close, a low purr that's more feel than sound from her throat. "I'm sorry you had to. You're everything she wanted you to be, she just doesn't see it." She'd pushed him to be independent, to make his own choices. Liz was just sorry it had to be such a hard choice because she was being a bitch. "I wish she weren't so close-minded."

"So do I. Asher..." Nathaniel smiles, and this time it's a true smile. "Asher is so beautiful. Inside and out. He doesn't think so, but he is. He takes care of me. He loves me. She should be pleased, not... hateful."

She nuzzles his hair, "I think everyone except her is happy for you. It's why we all agreed to not tell her, to let you two set the time to tell her." Because then they had the say it her mood and everything. "I am happy for you."

"Asher told her. He didn't even warn me. He just did it." Nathaniel might be unhappy about that, just a little, but he can understand Asher's reasoning. "I hope she sees reason."

"Maybe there was no time to warn you?" It's the only reason that Liz can think that Asher wouldn't give him a warning. "And hopefully soon." She hates seeing Nathaniel go through all this.

Nathaniel chuckles. "Anita does nothing quickly. Except maybe kill. That she seems to be pretty quick at deciding."

Liz gives a rumble, low in her throat that's a sound caught between a growl and a chuckle, "She makes the rash decisions, the ones that hurt people quick." Her nose nudges against Nat's throat, "I just don't like you hurting, Kitten," she murmurs softly. She really wished there was a way to fix it. Now.

"I don't like hurting," Nathaniel whispers. "It's... I don't like it. I don't want to feel like this."

"I wish there was a way to shield you from it," she murmurs. Liz nuzzles his throat, deciding to switch topics a little. "Have you eaten recently?"

Nathaniel noses her cheek. "Asher made me eat yesterday." That was good enough. He's not very hungry anyway.

"You need to eat today, then." Her tone is soft but holds the alpha she can be behind it. She doesn't want to order, but she doesn't want him arguing either. They both know he should be eating more. "I brought some of your favorites from the bar, Liz's Delivery at your service."

"I'm not hungry, Liz," he murmurs, sitting up in the bed. The sheets pool in his lap, covering him, not that she hasn't seen it all before. "The beast isn't even hungry. It feels like we've been beaten and are hiding under a table."

Liz sits up with him, resting her chin on his shoulder and arms around his waist. "Sometimes even if we aren't hungry we need to eat, even just a little." She vaguely remembers that fact from long ago when she was a kid, being forced to eat at least soup and crackers when sick even though she wasn't hungry. She pushes out gently with her energy, nothing like Micah could do or even Richard with the wolves, just offering comfort in another way.

Nathaniel's leopard responds to it, peeking out from where it hides, from where he hides. He draws a knee up to his chest. "All right. What do you have?"

Liz turns, leaving the bed only long enough to grab the bag where she'd left it. She sets it in front of him as she settles back onto the bed, arms wrapping around him again. Her energy used as much of a warm, comforting, and protecting blanket as she can get it to be. "All your favorites. I wasn't sure you'd want to go downstairs for food, so I brought pretty much everything." She gives a small smile, "Figured what you didn't eat could be stored for later." Yes, she knows Asher can do this for him too when hungry, but it makes her feel somewhat useful since she can't protect him from this.

Curious fingers open the bag, and Nathaniel peers inside. He grins as he pulls out a thermos of cold milk and a container of warm chicken and dumplings soup. "My mom used to give me milk and soup when I was sick as a kid," he murmurs, sharing a little bit of his past with Liz, explaining why the two items brings tears to his eyes. "It always made me feel warm and safe."

She smiles softly, resting her chin on his shoulder again, "Good memories," she whispers softly. She's glad the soup and milk are making him a little happy. Him grinning means a lot right now. "We always got orange juice instead of milk," she murmurs without ever really thinking about it.

"I've never like orange juice much. I like orange pop, but not orange juice." Nathaniel pulls out a spoon, opens up the soup, and begins to slowly eat the hot soup. "Milk was special. We didn't have much money, but we always had a gallon of milk in the fridge, and having a glass of milk was special. Mom usually used it for cooking or for our cereal, but just drinking it was not allowed."

She nods, the movement never really taking her chin off his shoulder, "I didn't like orange juice much as a kid, which is why I think Mom made me drink it when I was sick." Her sister loved it. Liz noses his shoulder gently, "What kind of soup did your mom make you when you were sick?"

"Chicken and dumplings or a cheese soup, always from scratch," Nathaniel says. "I think I love cooking as much as I do because she loved it so much."

He doesn't know why he's suddenly talking about his past, about his home, when he's spent the last decade of his life hiding it from everyone, keeping it tight to his chest and away from prying eyes. But, not knowing doesn't keep him silent.

"She would make Nicky the weirdest thing when he was sick... soup with chicken broth and peanut butter and a little of this orange jelly she'd make in the summer. I thought it was so disgusting," Nathaniel laughs, "but Nicky loved it."

"She teach you everything you know, kind of deal?" Liz asks with a smile, head tilting a little. They'd never pried into Nat's past either. It was his and no one wanted to try and get more than he was willing to give. That and Gab wasn't all that interested in much of Nathaniel's past, so he and Liz had never really asked before.

Liz's nose wrinkles at that, because that really does sound disgusting, "Weirdest thing Rae or I ever ate was banana and peanut butter sandwiches, which as a kid, they aren't bad. As an adult, disgusting."

Nathaniel chuckles between bites of soup. "I was pretty straight-forward in my eating choices. I wasn't a picky eater."

Not until they'd tried to separate him from Nicky after their Dad had died, Nathaniel thinks.

"I tended to be as a kid. Now days, I'll eat almost anything." She may give a soft nom to his shoulder, joking proof. She'd try almost everything, but what she liked was slim compared to her sister or other kids.

There's some laughter from Nathaniel as he pauses in his soup eating. "I've been agreeable since I was born."

Liz smiles, liking that laughter. It's a good sound to hear as she noses his shoulder. She doesn't really have anything more to say and she's not sure what's a safe subject at the moment, so she just settles her chin on his shoulder comfortably.

Nathaniel eats slowly, smiling at the soup. "Asher chose me as his pomme de sang," he tells her. "Officially."

Liz blinks, a smile on her face but it's a little hesitant. "What about the part where you were Anita's pomme?" Because she's not sure about the rules on them, but being a pomme de sang to two people didn't sound like it would work. And while Anita's angry, to just assume Nat is no longer Anita's might be a bad move. Give her more to be angry at.

Lavender eyes lift to meet hazel. "I'm not Anita's pomme de sang anymore." It is a privilege Anita had been given to call him her pomme de sang, but Nathaniel feels the privilege is better given to Asher who will appreciate it for what it is and treat him as a pomme de sang should be treated.

Liz watches Nathaniel a moment, taking that in. She nods after a moment though, still smiling a little. "Congratulations then, Kitten." She'd always stand by what Nathaniel wants. What will make him happy.

"If I was so easy for her to throw me away, she doesn't deserve that from me," Nathaniel murmurs.

Liz noses his shoulder gently, "You deserve to be treated better than that."

"I still love her," he says, poking at a dumpling. "I'll still feed her when she needs me, if she asks me back, but I can't be her pomme de sang anymore." Nathaniel looks at Liz. "Do you think she'll hate me when I tell her?"

"I don't know." Her gaze shifts to eye the dumpling before looking back at him. "I think she should be happy that you're being independent and making your own choices." What Anita does is anyone's guess, though.

Nathaniel sighs, closing his eyes. "I wish I could be two people sometimes," he says. "What each of them wants and needs."

Liz nips his shoulder. "You be who you are, not what they want you to be. And the ones that stay around are meant to be around. The ones that don't stay, good riddance, Kitten."

"I need him," Nathaniel says, a fierceness in his words as he leans against her. "I need him."

Liz holds Nathaniel to her, "And you have him. And he doesn't seem to be going anywhere."

Nathaniel nods a little. "He's my Master. He can't very well just ditch me."

Liz shifts a little to nuzzle his throat. "He can't, but he doesn't want to either, Kitten." And that was an important part. That Asher wanted to be there, for and with Nathaniel.

Finishing the soup, Nathaniel reaches into the sack and pulls out a container of his favorite sushi. See the Kitten's face light up as he opens it and pops one in his mouth. "I'd do anything to keep him happy," he says between bites of sushi.

Liz is grinning faintly, glad that the food is brightening his mood a little. "Somehow I think the feeling is mutual for him." She's seen them together. They're cute.

"I promised if he would start feeding from me again, I'd eat." Nathaniel smiles at Liz. "You've made it very easy for me to coax a feeding out of him tonight."

Liz bumps him gently, "I'm glad I could help. In any way."

Nathaniel leans over and kisses her, friendly and sweet. "Thank you, Liz. For everything."

She rubs her nose against his after the kiss, smiling. "Always, Nathaniel."

As soon as Nathaniel leaves Jason's room, he makes his way to Jean-Claude's. He doesn't even bother knocking, as rude as it might be. Still half-human, half-leopard, Nathaniel enters the room distraught, hungry, and exhausted. He lingers by the door, anxious, eyes darting between Asher and Jean-Claude.

Since their discussion with Anita, Asher and Nathaniel haven't really discussed much. They've simply been enjoying the freedom without guilt Anita's acceptance has allowed them. But Nathaniel knows there is something they really do need to talk about. As reluctant as he is to break the comfortable joy Asher and he have been savoring, he knows better than to let something fester.

Nathaniel climbs into bed with Asher, sitting beside the dead form of his lover, and waits for the sun to set enough for Asher to wake. He smiles faintly, brushing his fingers through beautiful golden hair, his heart tightening with how much he feels for Asher. It never lessens, that gut-turning need to be close to Asher and never let go, and Nathaniel never wants it to become less intense.

As soon as Teja had given him the items, Nathaniel had gone looking for Asher. Not only did he come bearing gifts, but his thoughts are heavy.

The interactions with Damian and Micah lately had left him frightened and uncertain.

He stands outside Asher's door, and when he scents and hears no one else in the room, he tries the knob, finding it unlocked. With a bright smile -- such a rare expression on his face -- curving his lips, he lets himself in and looks for Asher.

Nathaniel is excited, even if a bit nervous.

Mons had shown him the clearing.

It was once carefully tended to, he thinks, but it's slightly overgrown now. The moss under his bare back is thick, and the night sky above is mostly obscured by branches and vines. The ivy has already begun to turn a bright, fiery shade, and Nathaniel thinks it reminds him of his hair.

Beside him, sprawled on the moss with him, is Mons, the great, white wolf usually watching over Moon. Rigel had taken to tagging along with Jason, and Mons had adopted him. He strokes her thick fur slowly, absently, his eyes caught on the twinkle of one star.

Damian's words still echo through his mind, and Asher's absence in his life since the day before the full moon has been acute. Still, he hides. He knows he hides, but he's not sure why. Maybe because of what he'd said to Damian about Julianna, or because he's afraid of Asher saying something that would ruin the tentative peace... or because he's simply scared to death of losing everything he's trying so hard to hold onto.

The burn of the silver clasp at his nape, the leopard Asher had gifted him with, is his tangible reminder that, for now, he belonged to the master vampire.

He holds tight to that thought.

Nathaniel, still dressed in that ridiculous outfit Jean-Claude had ordered him placed into, is pacing Asher's room. He'd unbound his hair, though, the moment he'd entered the room he'd come to see as a quiet haven, where no one bothered them, where no one dared to bother them.

But now... now he's livid and angry and downright pissed.

Asher had slept with Anita. He'd fucked Anita and Jean-Claude and hadn't even warned him! Hadn't asked his opinion. Hadn't done anything but do what he'd wanted. Oh, he'd known Asher would be with Jean-Claude again, but he'd never thought his vampire would sleep with Anita. Never!

It brings tears to his eyes, and he furiously swipes them from his cheeks.

What was worse, Anita had slept with Asher.

Of course she had. Why wouldn't she? He'd been unable to resist the vampire, how could Anita? But Asher didn't even like Anita. At least Nathaniel loved her! She'd rather sleep with someone she didn't trust, who didn't love her, than with him.

He stops with his back to the door and bows his head, covering his face with his hands as he tries to control to sobs that escape him in little, halted sounds.

It simply wasn't fair, and he was growing tired of his life never having a moment of fairness in it.

Jason hadn't returned to the bedroom, and Nathaniel had fallen asleep in Jason's bed waiting for him through the afternoon.

His hair was loose, spread across the white sheets. He's been asleep from mid-afternoon, pleasantly dreaming, sleeping alone for the first time in quite a while.

A small step, he would say, but a step nevertheless.

Nathaniel closes the door to Jean-Claude's room, leaning against it for a moment. Life had changed drastically for him since he'd first helped Jason months ago, and Jean-Claude's reaction to Jason's return made him think that maybe... no... life hadn't changed that much.

He walks down the hallway, his thoughts scattered, until he reaches the room he shares with Asher. Well, it was Asher's room, but he spends so much time in it, Nathaniel has begun to think of it as 'theirs'. His room, though, was up the hall a little ways, next to Jason's. Asher had made certain there had been a room he could call his own, even if it was only used when Asher spent time with Jean-Claude.

He pauses outside Asher's door, trying to decide if he should talk to his master or just go to his own room, and the need to speak with Asher outweighs any desire to be alone.

Pulling out his key, Nathaniel slips it into the lock and turns the handle, opening the door and stepping inside. He pauses there, eyes scanning the room for a moment. Asher wasn't there, but that didn't mean he wouldn't be. Nathaniel kicks off his shoes and pulls his shirt over his head, tossing the material to a chair before picking up a book and laying down on the bed.

And he waits, lost in the world of Narnia.

For whatever reason, when Nathaniel arrives home, Anita isn't there.

He's mildly relieved at that as he shuts the door and locks it. Micah wasn't there, either. He didn't really expect anyone to be.

Nathaniel walks through the darkened house, towards the bathroom on the main floor, thinking he should shower before getting ready for bed. He was certain she'd be home by sunrise, and if she wasn't, Micah would be.