(no subject)

[nathaniel_kitten]

Mons had shown him the clearing.

It was once carefully tended to, he thinks, but it's slightly overgrown now. The moss under his bare back is thick, and the night sky above is mostly obscured by branches and vines. The ivy has already begun to turn a bright, fiery shade, and Nathaniel thinks it reminds him of his hair.

Beside him, sprawled on the moss with him, is Mons, the great, white wolf usually watching over Moon. Rigel had taken to tagging along with Jason, and Mons had adopted him. He strokes her thick fur slowly, absently, his eyes caught on the twinkle of one star.

Damian's words still echo through his mind, and Asher's absence in his life since the day before the full moon has been acute. Still, he hides. He knows he hides, but he's not sure why. Maybe because of what he'd said to Damian about Julianna, or because he's afraid of Asher saying something that would ruin the tentative peace... or because he's simply scared to death of losing everything he's trying so hard to hold onto.

The burn of the silver clasp at his nape, the leopard Asher had gifted him with, is his tangible reminder that, for now, he belonged to the master vampire.

He holds tight to that thought.

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[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

After speaking to Moon (http://community.livejournal.com/milliways_bar/22189206.html?thread=978659990#t978659990), Asher had climbed up Norman's branches, stepping easily between branches too slender to hold his full weight, had he not begun floating. Of them all, only Damian can fly even close to Asher's level of skill.

Between one breath of wind and the next Asher leaps skyward, heading directly north, following Moon's directions, and something deep within, perhaps the link between him and Nathaniel, towards the clearing.

He drops down just in front of the treeline, easily able to see Mons' white fur gleaming in the starlight, Nathaniel's pale skin against the dark moss underfoot. He walks slowly towards them, smiling gently.

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel scents Asher immediately, and he's half up off the moss, wide eyes on the vampire.

"I... didn't expect to see you yet," he says, his voice a little breathless.

How could it not be? Asher was stunning among the crimson and emerald ivy, the dark of the night and the verdant branches. He was bright and beautiful, and Nathaniel can't look away from him, really.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

"Moon told me you were here," Asher admits, letting his coat slide off his shoulders as he approaches, spreads it on the ground beside Nathaniel before sitting down.

He leans in, cupping Nathaniel's jaw with one hand, letting their lips meet slowly. The kiss is soft, and sweet, and loving - everything Asher wants to say but can't.

[nathaniel_kitten]

He could smell Moon on him, like night and dew and safety. Nathaniel whimpers softly, tilting his head into that kiss, his hand coming up to touch Asher's hand on his jaw. It was achingly sweet, and it leaves Nathaniel with a faint blush on his cheeks when Asher pulls away.

"I've... missed you," he murmurs.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher smiles, caressing Nathaniel's jaw.

"I missed you too, mon chat," he murmurs. Eyeing Mons a little warily, he gently combs his fingers through Nathaniel's hair, smiling as he realises that Nathaniel is wearing his hairslide, his fingers pressing the silver clasp into the nape of his neck for a moment.

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel gasps, shivering as the burn of the silver becomes just a little stronger.

Mons remains where she is, just watching.

Waiting.

An extension of the Lady to protect the Kitten.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Deciding to tell Nathaniel before he loses his nerve, Asher rests his hand at the base of Nathaniel's spine, gently caressing warm skin.

"There's something I must tell you," Asher says quietly.

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel has slowly crept closer, nuzzling Asher as the touches to his body cause him to purr softly. He instinctively scent-marks Asher, even though he can't truly do that in this shape, and closes his eyes as he inhales Asher's scent.

"Mmm?" he asks, pleasantly enjoying this quiet moment.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher can't help but relax, touching and caressing Nathaniel.

"You are not a replacement for Jean Claude," he says first, kissing Nathaniel's temple. "I want you to remember that, cher."

He takes a deep breath, then quietly adds, "Jean Claude came to me, just after the full moon. We kissed, and we touched."

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel's purr instantly stops.

Abruptly cut off, and his body becomes so still. It's enough to make Mons sit up with a high-pitched whine, her blue eyes darting between vampire and leopard.

"He loves you," Nathaniel murmurs. "You love him. It was just a matter of time."

He'd just thought there'd be more time before... well, before this moment.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher's heart sinks.

"One night, cher, that's all. We..." he stills, looking down at his lap, shoulders hunching over as he curls in on himself. "We spoke of Julianna," a flicker of hurt, of deep shame, across that oh-so-expressive face, his eyes growing dark.

"Much that was wrong between us was repaired." He looks up, slowly, reaching his hand out for Nathaniel.

"I am yours, Nathaniel. I realise that I have done wrong by you, and I will understand, if..." he swallows, "if you do not wish to remain my lover."

[nathaniel_kitten]

Lilac eyes stare at Asher.

"It won't be just one night," he says with a wistful smile. Nathaniel knows. You don't just have one night, fix centuries-deep hurt, and go back to being best friends. This was the beginning, and Nathaniel has to find his place among the shifting tides. He slowly leans down, much the like cat he is, and brushes his face submissively against Asher's outstretched hand. "I can't blame you, and I won't blame you. You didn't send me away for being with Damian, and I was never his lover, so why would I walk away from you for being with who you should be with? Who you've waited a very long time to touch again?"

He'd made himself a promise the night he'd confronted Asher, just before he'd fallen asleep. Nathaniel would be a good kitty, give Asher no reason to send him away, to revoke his mastery, and now he repeats that to himself, filling his senses with the sound and scent of Asher, making it drown out that budding ache in his chest.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher draws Nathaniel close, kissing him softly.

"I love you," he whispers, again, cupping Nathaniel's face in his hands. "I do not deserve it, but I will be eternally grateful for whatever brought you to me." He kisses Nathaniel again, sliding his hands down each side of his spine, stroking his back, over and over.

"Je t'aime, mon coeur," he breathes, holding Nathaniel in his arms.

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel melts against Asher, his hands clenching in the fine shirt the vampire wears. He moans softly, pressing back into the hands, the touch utterly soothing, Asher's words rolling through his mind.

It is not as it seems, Asher. From behind Nathaniel's body, Mons stares at Asher with blazing, icy eyes. His reasons for accepting are driven by absolute fear. He will do whatever you ask, whatever you order, just so you will not grow unhappy with him and end this. He submits, no matter what he truly feels, he buries it under the need to never be bad again.

It's obvious Nathaniel is not privy to Mons' interference, but the wolf cannot let Nathaniel hurt himself, not like this. Moon would not approve.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher looks up at the voice in his head, locking gazes with Mons, shivering as the wolf's low voice rolls through his mind.

"Nathaniel," he whispers, pulling back. "Blame me, if you wish. If you feel hurt...I would know it." He brushes Nathaniel's hair back from his face, looking deep into his eyes.

"I do not want your complete submission, mon chat, we spoke about this before. I would like you to do things because you wish to, say things that you wish to say, not that you think I want to hear."

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel looks away from Asher's gaze, because that gaze always sees way too much.

"I can't blame you," he murmurs. "You don't regret it, and I wouldn't expect you to." Nathaniel is quiet for a moment, and then Mons nips at his heels, growling. He returns the growl, but it's only half-hearted. "Does this..." He sighs, playing with a button on Asher's shirt. "Does this mean I shouldn't come looking for you anymore?"

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher gently tilts Nathaniel's chin up, forcing Nathaniel to meet his eyes.

"I regret that it hurt you," Asher murmurs. "But you are right, I cannot regret what happened with Jean-Claude. Not when I have wanted it for so long." He holds out a hand to Mons, palm down, trying to signal the wolf to back off.

"No, no, mon chat. Come to me whenever you want." He brushes a few stray strands of hair behind Nathaniel's ears.

"I love you, Nathaniel. I love Jean-Claude. But my love for him does not mean that you do not matter just as much to me. There will always be a place for you in my heart, in my life."

[nathaniel_kitten]

Mons does back down, her duty done, and she backs off to the other side of the glen.

Nathaniel just stares at Asher, tears hovering in his eyes as he holds the icy-blue gaze. "I don't want to be kept around for when you can't be with him," he whispers. "I want to be a part of your life, Asher." He closes his eyes, two tears sliding down his cheeks as he whispers raggedly, "God, I want to be a part of your life..."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

"Always, cher," Asher whispers, kissing away Nathaniel's tears, pulling him closer until Nat is sprawled in his lap.

"Were it not for you, I would likely be alone, in St Louis, and miserable." He would certainly have no cause to visit Milliways.

"I love you, mon chat, I do not know how else to convince you." He kisses one cheek, then the other, then the soft lips that shine with tears, his arms wrapped tight around Nat.

"You mean so much to me, you have no idea."

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel wraps his arms tightly around Asher's neck and shoulders, opening to the kisses, to the softly spoken words.

"I love you," he whispers, smiling at Asher. And it seems such a long time since he's smiled. His finger brush through golden hair, touch cool skin, and he ghosts his lips over Asher's. "I want to know you. I want to know more than just this... than books we read to each other and the never-ending mess in St. Louis and the sex. There has to be more there, I know there is, and someday, you'll let me see it. Maybe not all of it, but some of it. Until then... I can be content."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

"Ask me," Asher whispers, his eyes closed, lips brushing Nathaniel's as he speaks.

"I will never chastise you for that. I may not answer, but ask if you wish to know anything."

This is a huge thing for Asher to agree to; no one, not since Julianna and Jean-Claude, has been given such free reign.

[nathaniel_kitten]

The leopard pulls back and looks at Asher as if the vampire has grown another head.

"Ask you?"

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher nods slowly.

"I spoke to Moon, tonight," he murmurs. "She...let us say she talked some sense into me. I have behaved like a fool, mon chat, and for that I am sorry."

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel leans forward and nuzzles Asher's throat.

"I don't want you doing something you don't want to. You're not foolish for needing your privacy. I... will always respect that."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

"I want to share it with you," he murmurs. "To give you something of me that no one else has."