Asher's Room

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel had returned at dawn to find Asher in bed, his hand extended to his empty side of the bed. He'd stood there, smiling. After indulging his desire to drink in every inch of Asher's body, Nathaniel headed into the bathroom, cleaning himself as thoroughly as possible. There's no way he can rid himself of Moon's and Jason's scents utterly, but he doesn't think he really needs to.

Clean, dry, and his hair braided, Nathaniel had crawled into bed with Asher, cuddling close to the cool flesh of his lover. Within minutes, he'd fallen asleep, snuggled under the blankets with his vampire, sated, content, and rather happy.

And it's how Asher will find him with the master vampire wakes for the night, Nathaniel still curled against his side, relaxed and sleeping peacefully.

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[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel reluctantly takes Asher's hand and slowly sits down on the bed beside his vampire. He intentionally hides behind his hair, frowning.

"Why should I just grab at those moments? Why can't I just take them and hold onto them always?"

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

"We can try," Asher murmurs softly. "Spend time with each other, be happy together for as long as we can." He squeezes Nathaniel's hand, brushes his hair back with the other.

"Tell me what you want, mon chat."

[nathaniel_kitten]

His eyes dart to look at Asher, leaning in the touch of Asher's hand.

"I don't want to be just a... moment of happiness... for you. I want to be more than a moment, Asher, and I want the moment to be more than writhing and blood and come," he whispers, so unsure of if he should even say the words aloud.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

"You are far more than that, mon chat," Asher whispers, leaning in to kiss Nathaniel softly.

"I have been happier this last few weeks than I have in centuries," he adds, entwining their fingers tightly. "Not just in this bed, and I am sorry you have not felt the same." He feels guilty; he didn't mean for his relationship with Nathaniel to be so shallow, to be nothing but sex. He finds Nathaniel so utterly enticing, it's hard to hold himself back, to think of anything else other than skin against skin.

[nathaniel_kitten]

It is unconscious, the way Nathaniel shifts his body so it is closer to Asher, skin touching skin. He is a lycanthrope and that call to be touched and touch is built into him. He'd never blame Asher for wanting such contact.

"I have been happy, Asher," he murmurs, nosing his shoulder. "When I'm with you, my stomach goes all tight and my heart jumps and I just want to touch you, listen to you, make you laugh and see that smile I so rarely see. The one where I know I've truly made you happy in some way. I just... sometimes selfishly want more."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

"It is not selfish to want more," Asher assures Nathaniel, relishing the touch of Nathaniel's skin against his.

"What would you like, mon coeur?" he asks.

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel is quiet for a few moments, slowly but surely cuddling closer to Asher.

"To talk with you," he admits softly. "I know nothing about you, Asher, and I know you don't know a whole hell of a lot about me. Doesn't that ever bother you? That we seem to only see each other from the point we came together? As if the past doesn't exist at all?"

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

"My past is not something I am proud of," Asher murmurs. He slides his arm slowly around Nathaniel's waist, gathering him close bit by bit.

"There is little I care to remember, cher." He turns his head, kissing Nathaniel's throat, hiding his face. "But if you wish...I will tell you all I can."

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel tilts his head back a little, exposing more of his throat. It isn't long before he's pretty much settled comfortably in Asher's lap, one of his favorite places to just... be.

"Did..." He closes his eyes, forcing the quiet words from between his lips. "Did you love her? Really love her?"

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher slides his hands down Nathaniel's back, smiling as Nathaniel's warmth sinks into his bones, the weight a comfort across his knees.

"Yes, cher," he murmurs, still smiling softly. "I loved her, very much."

[nathaniel_kitten]

The petting along his back is soothing and lovely.

"Do you miss her?"

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher keeps petting Nathaniel, running his hands up and down Nathaniel's spine.

"Yes," he murmurs. "Very much." Not all the time, but Julianna is in his thoughts, and always will be.

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel's fingers curl in Asher's golden hair, touch and stroke the silken strands.

"When did you fall in love with Jean-Claude? What... what made you love him?"

These people in Asher's past prick at Nathaniel's thoughts, because what he knows of the other people Asher has loved, he is nothing like them. There is so little strength in him, only endurance, but Jean-Claude, Anita, Julianna... Belle Morte... they all seemed to possess strength he never will.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher closes his eyes a moment, enjoying the slide of Nathaniel's fingers through his hair.

"At first, I wished merely to bed him," he admits. "He was..beautiful. So very different to all the others that Belle Morte had chosen." He pets Nathaniel once more, down the length of his spine.

"Despite all that we did, all our mistress asked...there was something different about Jean-Claude. He was as he is now." He kisses Nathaniel's shoulder. "Practical, but not cruel. Innocent, somehow, despite all he had seen." Asher closes his eyes, rests his head on Nathaniel's shoulder.

"And he loved me, cared for me in a way no one else ever had."

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel is quiet for a moment as he nuzzles into Asher's hair.

"He still loves you, cares for you," he murmurs. "Despite everything, you two..."

He chuckles softly, smiling against the fragrant hair.

"You both love each other like no one else can ever love either of you."

It's a sort of bittersweet knowledge, but Nathaniel will never begrudge Asher that happiness, that feeling.

"You say he is practical, not cruel, and somehow innocent. What of you? What were you, Asher?"

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher slides his arms more fully around Nathaniel, hugging him close.

"And I love you in a way I have never loved any other," he breathes, kissing Nathaniel's shoulder, squeezing him gently.

"I..." he sighs. "I was Belle's plaything. A bright shiny bauble to distract the eye. She taught me how to seduce, how to gain anything I wished from a lover, just with a glance. And I was the perfect student."

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel's arms snake around Asher's neck, and he shifts so his legs can wrap around his vampire. He has the urge to touch Asher, to soothe and love him as they talk.

"You didn't seduce me," he murmurs. He'd come to Asher of his own accord, stayed because he loved and was loved. "And... you don't take anything from me." Nathaniel chuckles, nosing Asher's ear. "Not that I have anything for you to take."

Byron has gossiped about Asher, as well as some of the older European vampires at Guilty Pleasures. Nathaniel knows Asher has seduced some of the most powerful and wealthy men and women at Belle's order, and for his own amusement. It still baffles him that Asher chose him when Nathaniel is certain Asher could have anyone.

"So Jean-Claude was the practical, more innocent one while you were the ruthless seducer?" he asks, scritching at the back of Asher's neck.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher bows his head, humming softly as Nathaniel's nails scritch at his neck, a gentle shiver running down his spine.

"In short, yes." It had been more complicated than that, of course, but boiled down facts will do for now.

"And you give me more than you could ever know, cher." Nathaniel has given him trust, love, given him a reason to live. So many heartaches in his life, and Nathaniel is one of the few bright spots.

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel's hands cup Asher's face, force the blue eyes to meet his own.

"You don't ever look at me when we talk. Why?"

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

"Because it's easier," Asher whispers, bright blue eyes fixed on lavender. "Because I don't have to see what you think of me."

[nathaniel_kitten]

Brow furrowed, Nathaniel's thumbs stroke lightly along Asher's jaw.

"What I think of you," he murmurs, just looking into eyes the color of a winter sky.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher flinches, though he keeps his eyes on Nathaniel.

"What you think of the things I've done, the people I've hurt." He's under no illusions that Nathaniel has heard at least some of the stories.

[nathaniel_kitten]

"People do things they later regret."

Nathaniel smiles gently.

"It's the price of living. I've been told things, heard things, but they make me more curious about you than anything else, Asher. I try to never judge you and your actions because I hardly come from a past that's pure as driven snow. I have no right to think ill of you and what you've done when I feel I've done the same or worse in some ways."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher shakes his head, though he's smiling softly.

"Never worse, mon chat. Never worse." He doesn't know all that Nathaniel did, but he knows it could never compare.

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel allows his hands to slide down to rest on either side of Asher's throat.

"You can't know that, Asher," he whispers. Nathaniel then laughs, but the sound isn't a pleasant one. "I won't argue with you about it. It's a pointless, ridiculous argument."

He sighs, leaning forward to rest his brow against Asher's shoulder.

"I wonder if the next two or three hundred years will be like this," he murmurs, though he doubts he'll even last through his first century of life. "Both of us always hiding, but me always wanting more than I can ask for, let alone take, or if we'll just get tired of it after a decade and go our separate ways."