nathaniel_kitten | Asher's Room

Asher's Room

Nathaniel had returned at dawn to find Asher in bed, his hand extended to his empty side of the bed. He'd stood there, smiling. After indulging his desire to drink in every inch of Asher's body, Nathaniel headed into the bathroom, cleaning himself as thoroughly as possible. There's no way he can rid himself of Moon's and Jason's scents utterly, but he doesn't think he really needs to.

Clean, dry, and his hair braided, Nathaniel had crawled into bed with Asher, cuddling close to the cool flesh of his lover. Within minutes, he'd fallen asleep, snuggled under the blankets with his vampire, sated, content, and rather happy.

And it's how Asher will find him with the master vampire wakes for the night, Nathaniel still curled against his side, relaxed and sleeping peacefully.

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He chuckles, sitting back, running his hands up and down Asher's chest.

"Sex with me is how you tend to prefer waking up," he remarks.

"And is there anything wrong with that?" Asher asks, smirking.

"It's what you like. It's what makes you happy."

If Asher is happy, that's all that matters to Nathaniel.

"And you, cher?" Nathaniel may not care if he's happy, but it's just as important to Asher as his own happiness.

Nathaniel tilts his head a little, curious.

"What about me?"

"Are you happy?" Asher asks, kissing the top of Nathaniel's head softly.

Nathaniel nuzzles Asher's cheek.

"I'm not unhappy," he murmurs.

Which is not an actual answer to Asher's question.

Asher squeezes Nathaniel gently, looking down at him.

"Not unhappy?" He repeats. "Hardly a vote of confidence, mon chat."

"I only have a vague memory of what happy is."

Nathaniel slides off of Asher and stands up, his knees still a little weak from the intense pleasure of their lovemaking.

"You don't hit me. You don't shout at me. You don't pimp me out. You love me. You take care of me. I feel safe with you, though I don't know how safe I truly am."

To say Asher is taken aback is an understatement. He knew Nathaniel was still fragile, still a little unsure in their relationship, but that is nothing to what he seems to be saying.

"You are safe," he murmurs softly. "Do you think I could ever hurt you, ever let you come to harm?"

Nathaniel hugs himself and stares at the floor.

"I... don't know," he admits honestly. "Sometimes I think I am so happy that everything else doesn't matter, but then, sometimes, I wind up waiting for that moment when things... will change."

Asher draws the covers up to his lap, folding his legs underneath him and reaching out a hand to Nathaniel.

"Come, sit down," he asks softly. He's hurt, and he doesn't understand why Nathaniel doubts him still, but he knows he has to fix this, somehow.

"Everyone feels that way, mon chat. All you can do is grab those moments of happiness while you can."

Nathaniel reluctantly takes Asher's hand and slowly sits down on the bed beside his vampire. He intentionally hides behind his hair, frowning.

"Why should I just grab at those moments? Why can't I just take them and hold onto them always?"

"We can try," Asher murmurs softly. "Spend time with each other, be happy together for as long as we can." He squeezes Nathaniel's hand, brushes his hair back with the other.

"Tell me what you want, mon chat."

His eyes dart to look at Asher, leaning in the touch of Asher's hand.

"I don't want to be just a... moment of happiness... for you. I want to be more than a moment, Asher, and I want the moment to be more than writhing and blood and come," he whispers, so unsure of if he should even say the words aloud.

"You are far more than that, mon chat," Asher whispers, leaning in to kiss Nathaniel softly.

"I have been happier this last few weeks than I have in centuries," he adds, entwining their fingers tightly. "Not just in this bed, and I am sorry you have not felt the same." He feels guilty; he didn't mean for his relationship with Nathaniel to be so shallow, to be nothing but sex. He finds Nathaniel so utterly enticing, it's hard to hold himself back, to think of anything else other than skin against skin.

It is unconscious, the way Nathaniel shifts his body so it is closer to Asher, skin touching skin. He is a lycanthrope and that call to be touched and touch is built into him. He'd never blame Asher for wanting such contact.

"I have been happy, Asher," he murmurs, nosing his shoulder. "When I'm with you, my stomach goes all tight and my heart jumps and I just want to touch you, listen to you, make you laugh and see that smile I so rarely see. The one where I know I've truly made you happy in some way. I just... sometimes selfishly want more."

"It is not selfish to want more," Asher assures Nathaniel, relishing the touch of Nathaniel's skin against his.

"What would you like, mon coeur?" he asks.

Nathaniel is quiet for a few moments, slowly but surely cuddling closer to Asher.

"To talk with you," he admits softly. "I know nothing about you, Asher, and I know you don't know a whole hell of a lot about me. Doesn't that ever bother you? That we seem to only see each other from the point we came together? As if the past doesn't exist at all?"

"My past is not something I am proud of," Asher murmurs. He slides his arm slowly around Nathaniel's waist, gathering him close bit by bit.

"There is little I care to remember, cher." He turns his head, kissing Nathaniel's throat, hiding his face. "But if you wish...I will tell you all I can."

Nathaniel tilts his head back a little, exposing more of his throat. It isn't long before he's pretty much settled comfortably in Asher's lap, one of his favorite places to just... be.

"Did..." He closes his eyes, forcing the quiet words from between his lips. "Did you love her? Really love her?"

Asher slides his hands down Nathaniel's back, smiling as Nathaniel's warmth sinks into his bones, the weight a comfort across his knees.

"Yes, cher," he murmurs, still smiling softly. "I loved her, very much."

The petting along his back is soothing and lovely.

"Do you miss her?"

Asher keeps petting Nathaniel, running his hands up and down Nathaniel's spine.

"Yes," he murmurs. "Very much." Not all the time, but Julianna is in his thoughts, and always will be.

Nathaniel's fingers curl in Asher's golden hair, touch and stroke the silken strands.

"When did you fall in love with Jean-Claude? What... what made you love him?"

These people in Asher's past prick at Nathaniel's thoughts, because what he knows of the other people Asher has loved, he is nothing like them. There is so little strength in him, only endurance, but Jean-Claude, Anita, Julianna... Belle Morte... they all seemed to possess strength he never will.

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