Incubus Dreams - October 30th

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel pauses outside Jean-Claude's room, where he can sense Anita, and looks up at Asher.

"I don't know if I can do this," he whispers, nervously gripping Asher's hand. "What if she says never again to either of us just because I can't feed the ardeur like that anymore?"

Comments

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

"I do," Asher nods, smiling ruefully. "And I would not be anywhere else, mon chat."

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel takes a deep breath, lets it out, and opens the door, walking into Jean-Claude's room. His eyes fall to where Anita is standing, buttoning up her shirt, and he thinks to pull back, to run away.

But then she looks up at him, and he knows he can't go anywhere.

"Anita... we should talk," he murmurs, squeezing Asher's hand subtly.

[anita_blake]

Anita watches Asher close the door, and then looks between the two of them.

"About?"

Nothing positive ever starts with 'we should talk'.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher stays silent, knowing that this conversation is between Nathaniel and Anita, that he (for now) is merely silent moral support.

[nathaniel_kitten]

"What happened yesterday. The half-shift and the ardeur and... and the sex that followed. I didn't like it, Anita. I know we've never discussed... limits and things," he says, fidgeting a little. "That's something I don't like. I don't like sex while shifted. Gabriel, a couple of times, was paid a lot of money... I mean, obscene amounts of money... to let this one guy fuck me while I was a leopard."

His cheeks positively flame with that admission.

"I hated it. I still do. Even a half-shift is still me as an animal, Anita, and I don't... I don't like that. I never want to do it again. Ever." Despite his flush, he meets her shocked gaze. "Never again like that."

[anita_blake]

Anita stares at Nathaniel, speechless. That was a mental image she definitely hadn't needed with regards to Nathaniel.

"I didn't know..."

Because she hadn't asked.

And she hadn't cared.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

"Did you ask, Anita?" Asher murmurs softly. He's not trying to be accusing, just trying to show Anita that she did something wrong, that perhaps she still has things to learn.

"Before you pushed your beast into Nathaniel, did you ask him?" Asher knows that no matter how much Nathaniel loves Anita, no matter how submissive he is, he still would not agree to shift in the middle of making love to Anita.

[anita_blake]

Her mouth shuts with an audible sound, and her gaze takes on a spark of annoyance with Asher.

"I didn't have time to ask," she says tightly. "He is of my pard, Asher, and I needed him to take the leopard."

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel looks down at the floor, brow furrowed.

"I took your beast, Anita. I did it, and I would do it again without a moment's hesitance. But then the ardeur slammed into us all." He raises his eyes to her. "I can't have you and Jason and Asher and Liz telling me not to be used anymore by the people who are supposed to love and care for me while you all still use me when it suits your purposes. Can you not see how much it hurts me? I'm told I am my own man, but I'm not. I am my own man when none of you need me to be the pet. I can't live with such... shifting boundaries, Anita. Not anymore."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher bows his head, a little hurt by Nathaniel's accusation that he uses his lover. He's trying, so hard. He won't show that he's hurt though, not while they are arguing with Anita.

"All of us understand the ardeur," Asher murmurs, "but you have control enough now that you could have asked, could have channelled it in another way. Perhaps even turned Nathaniel and Jason back, before the lust took over."

[anita_blake]

Anita looks between them, flushing lightly.

"Maybe I could have," she agrees, "but I wasn't really thinking about that. I was thinking about feeding. I don't usually do furry, Asher."

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel squeezes Asher's hand. He can feel that shift in Asher, and he doesn't like it.

"We're working on that, Asher," he murmurs. "You and I, we're working on things. You're very good about it. I promise." He offers his vampire a smile. "You're getting much better than when it all started."

He then turns his attention back to Anita.

"You don't do furry, but you did me. Don't..." He takes a breath and lets it out slowly, mustering up all he can for a firm statement. "Don't do it again, Anita, or... or I just won't be ardeur food for you anymore."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher smiles, almost shy, almost proud. He squeezes back, close to reaching out to pull Nathaniel in his arms, stopping because he wants Nathaniel to do this of his own accord, wants him not to feel like Asher is protecting him, coddling him.

[anita_blake]

Anita stares at Nathaniel, and there's a sense of violation she gets from his thoughts. That floors her. It makes her gut twist with regret.

"Nathaniel, please don't think like that," she murmurs. "I really don't like thinking what I did was tantamount to rape, not in my eyes or anyone else's. I didn't think, I realize that, and I'm sorry. I should have asked. I should have fought it instead of assuming it was all right, instead of pushing it onto you and Jason as if everything were normal. Please don't think of me as a source of abuse. I've only ever wanted to protect you."

It really doesn't sit well with her, and she gives Asher a stricken look. Yes, she might be a hard-ass, but she was not a rapist, and she doesn't like the sense that she's getting from Nathaniel's mind.

[nathaniel_kitten]

"Please, don't do it again," Nathaniel says, his voice gentle. There's a visible relaxing about his posture, and he finally lets go of Asher's hand. Slowly, he comes over to Anita, takes her hand instead. "I love you just as much now as I did last night, but... I do have limits, and I can say no. I'm learning to say no, and I'm doing it now. I will feed the ardeur. I will have sex with you. But never, ever, will I do either as a leopard or half-shifted."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher is proud of them both; Anita, for apologising, for realising how she made Nathaniel feel. And Nathaniel, for standing up to Anita. He hopes it proves that Nathaniel is stronger now, that he is capable of making his own decisions. Perhaps it will reassure Anita that he is not taking advantage of the young leopard.

He crosses the room, kissing both their cheeks, gently.

[anita_blake]

Anita's cheek is warm with her blush, and she squeezes Nathaniel's hand.

"I didn't realize," she murmurs, "and I shouldn't have simply assumed. It won't happen again, Nathaniel, I promise."

Even with the ardeur riding them, there had been a choice made. She had made it, regardless of Nathaniel's -- or her own -- feelings on the matter.

She turns her eyes to Asher.

"This is your doing, isn't it?" she asks gently.

Not Nathaniel's upset, but his ability to come to her, to say this to her, to recognize what is and isn't what he wants.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher nods, smiling proudly.

"I would like to think so," he murmurs, "though Nathaniel did much of the work for himself. I merely coaxed him into being a little more assertive."

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel has never felt warmer than he does now, seeing that smile on Asher's face. Seeing it there and knowing he is the cause of it. He looks back at Anita.

"He loves me," Nathaniel says simply. "He asked me what I wanted, and I was able to tell him because he let me say it. Ask me what I want, Anita, and I will tell you. I'm trying. I'm trying so very hard. Give me a chance to show that to you."

[anita_blake]

Anita nods, leaning in to kiss Nathaniel gently.

"Next time, I'll ask," she promises him. She wants to believe Nathaniel is coming into his own, becoming his own person, and while she dislikes it's more Asher's doing than hers, she can't help but be glad that it's someone's doing at all. "I have to head out. I'm late, as always it seems. We can talk more later tonight. I... I want to know what you want, Nathaniel. I really do."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher steps back, allowing Anita room to kiss Nathaniel. He's pleased that Nathaniel and Anita have spoken, that he wasn't needed to stand up for his lover.

[anita_blake]

She's trying. She really is.

Anita steps away from Nathaniel and faces Asher. She seems to debate for a moment, and then she rises up on her toes and kisses him too. Whether they were with Jean-Claude or not, she loves Asher, and she'll kiss him goodbye if she feels like it.

"I'll talk to you both later," she murmurs, and with a final glance at them, she heads out of Jean-Claude's room.

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel smiles oddly at the closed door, and then looks at Asher.

"That... went a lot better than I thought it would."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher nods, looking a little stunned.

"Better than we could have hoped for, cher."

[nathaniel_kitten]

"Who was that and where is Anita Blake?" he asks, shaking his head.

But he won't look a gift horse in the mouth. If Anita would respect him, talk to him about his limits, he'll take it. Relief floods him, and he looks to Asher.

"I'm hungry. Will you take me out for supper? I think I'd finally like to try that Greek place you keep not-so-subtly mentioning."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher laughs, kissing Nathaniel's temple softly.

"That sounds perfect, cher," he replies, leading him from the room, their hands entwined.