Incubus Dreams - October 16th-18th

[nathaniel_kitten]

Since their discussion with Anita, Asher and Nathaniel haven't really discussed much. They've simply been enjoying the freedom without guilt Anita's acceptance has allowed them. But Nathaniel knows there is something they really do need to talk about. As reluctant as he is to break the comfortable joy Asher and he have been savoring, he knows better than to let something fester.

Nathaniel climbs into bed with Asher, sitting beside the dead form of his lover, and waits for the sun to set enough for Asher to wake. He smiles faintly, brushing his fingers through beautiful golden hair, his heart tightening with how much he feels for Asher. It never lessens, that gut-turning need to be close to Asher and never let go, and Nathaniel never wants it to become less intense.

Comments

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher shakes his head.

"No. Anita makes you happy. Damian makes you happy. I will not hold that from you. I..." He sighs. "I trust you, I just need to convince myself that what you share with him is not the same as that which you share with me."

[nathaniel_kitten]

"What can I do?" he asks, fingers reaching out to stroke through Asher's hair. "What can we do to help? I don't want you unhappy, Asher. God, it's the last thing I want to be the cause of."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

"I do not know..." Asher murmurs, frowning. There is one thing, but he is hesitant to suggest it. He takes a deep breath, steeling himself.

"Perhaps...if I were to see the two of you together."

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel blinks, taken aback.

"You... want to watch him fuck me?"

That certainly hadn't been what he'd thought Asher would suggest.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

"I just need to see that it is not the same," he says, quietly. "That what we share is different."

[nathaniel_kitten]

Silence falls between them for a small moment.

"I... would have to ask Damian..."

He can't just assume Damian's all right with an audience.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

"I am not trying to push you into anything," Asher stresses, brushing the backs of his fingers down Nathaniel's cheek.

"Ask him, if you wish."

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel looks down at the bloody sheets.

"You know I'd do anything you asked," he murmurs. "You don't have to push."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

"I do not mean to," Asher murmurs softly. "I am sorry."

[nathaniel_kitten]

"You don't have any reason to be sorry."

Nathaniel sighs and gets up from the bed, slowly making his way to the bathroom. He pauses in the doorway and looks at Asher.

"I'd come in here tonight to tell you if you wanted to be with Anita and Jean-Claude, I wouldn't throw a tantrum or anything. I wanted to tell you I hoped, when the three of you talk again, that everything works out and you can have what you want so badly." He smiles, the expression soft even if it doesn't quite light up his eyes. "I love you."

He heads into Asher's bathroom and starts up the shower. He'd change the sheets when he was done. Nathaniel knows how much Asher dislikes a messy bed.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

And now Asher feels even worse. That he can't be happy for Nathaniel and Damian, when his leopard is so willing to allow him all he wants with Jean-Claude, with Anita.

He strips the bed whilst Nathaniel waits for the shower to heat up, quickly putting fresh sheets in their place, carefully remaking the bed. That done, he follows Nathaniel into the shower, stepping in behind him, kissing his shoulder as he reaches for the soap.

"Let me?" He asks softly.

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel nods. It almost feels like his room, too, since he'd brought all his various toiletries into Asher's bathroom. His shampoo, soap, and conditioner that all smell of vanilla and milk.

"I like when you bathe with me," he murmurs.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

"As do I," he whispers in reply, pouring Nathaniel's shampoo into his palm, smiling at the concentrated smell he's come to associate with Nathaniel, carefully lathering up his hair, massaging Nathaniel's scalp with his fingers.

[nathaniel_kitten]

And Nathaniel's purr kicks up, echoing softly in the tiled room. It's loud and happy, rumbling up out of his throat as he leans back into Asher's fingers.

"Do you think we'll always be so complicated?" he asks after few minutes.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher smiles softly, scritching harder in response to that purr.

"Would it be worth it if it was not?" He asks.

[nathaniel_kitten]

"I don't know."

Nathaniel turns around, pushing his head under the water.

"You're the first relationship I've ever had, so the closest thing I have to compare this to is what I had with Gabriel."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher shampoos his own hair whilst Nathaniel rinses, smiling sadly.

"For that I'm sorry. But in my experience, that which is easy is never worth it, and that which is worth it is never easy."

[nathaniel_kitten]

Carefully, Nathaniel wrings out his hair before picking up the conditioner. He stares at the glob of conditioner in his hand, frowning.

"Are you sorry I've never had a relationship... or sorry the closest I've come until you was Gabriel?"

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher hesitates.

"A little of both, perhaps," he admits, stepping under the spray to rinse his hair.

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel watches Asher as he finger-combs conditioner through his hair. This isn't the first time he wonders what goes through Asher's head, and he knows it won't be the last. He's trying to become accustomed to not asking too many questions of Asher, because Asher seems to of the fewer-the-words-the-better school of conversation.

As soon as Asher finishes rinsing his own hair, Nathaniel steps in to rinse out the conditioner, closing his eyes to hide what might be seen there.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

"You are young," Asher murmurs, trying to stop Nathaniel from shutting himself away.

"You should have had that young love, should have..." he trails off, wracking his brain to think of all the things a young American should do, from what he's gleaned from the films he's seen over the years.

"I do not know. Taken your girlfriend to the prom, gone to the movies with her."

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel wrings out his hair, eyeing Asher. It's weird to hear Asher talk of prom and movies because, so far, their own dates have consisted of going out to dinner and sex. He wonders if Asher's ever even been to a movie theatre.

"Anita thinks I'm damaged because I didn't have those things. It also amuses me that both of you assume I would have taken a girl to prom or the movies." He shrugs, grabbing the soap and washing the dried blood from his body, ignoring the stinging. "My family didn't have money, so affording prom would have been impossible. As for the movies..." Nathaniel bends over, scrubbing down his legs. "What I did have made me who I am." He stands up, looking defiantly at Asher. "If I hadn't been on the road I was, I wouldn't have been made a wereleopard, I wouldn't have found Anita, and I never would have made my way into your bed. I rather like where I am, even if it means I lost out on things normal people had as children."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher smiles, apologetically.

"I believe I like where you are also," he murmurs. "I apologise, cher, I did not mean to offend."

[nathaniel_kitten]

Nathaniel laughs.

"You didn't offend," he says, kissing Asher softly. "It takes... quite a lot to offend me. I know you speak out of love. You wish I had been given a normal life, and that's sweet of you, since if I had lived such a life, I would not be here with you. Still, I like here and now. I love you." He gives Asher an amused smile. "And I could have done much worse for my first love, couldn't I? I'm rather pleased my first love is a master vampire who takes wonderful care of me."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher rewards that comment with a wide smile, combing conditioner through his hair, leaning in to kiss Nathaniel quickly, blinking water out of his eyes.

"Thank you, mon chat" he whispers, still smiling. "I love you."