Nathaniel looks away, arousal wilting quickly as tears fill his eyes.

"You wanted to punish yourself, and I was to be the instrument of that."

To Nathaniel, that was being used.

He shakes his head, closing his lilac eyes as two tears trace down his cheeks.

"You know, I don't get off on causing people pain. I'm a masochist, not a sadist, and punishing you was the last damn thing on my mind, Asher."