nathaniel_kitten | (no subject)

(no subject)

Nathaniel enters the bedroom with a towel in hand as he carefully dries his hair. He ignores Micah's presence for the moment, fetching a pair of jogging shorts from a drawer and slipping them on before picking up a comb and bottle of leave-in conditioner.

He sits on the bed, hair swept over his shoulder, and opens the bottle, squeezing some into his palm and working it his damp hair. Staring at the floor, he begins the arduous task of combing out his hair and braiding it back for bed.

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Nathaniel smiles fondly, comfortable, liking the feel of Micah's voice against his skin.

"He keeps trying to get me to want things," he says. "He encourages me to want for myself, for my own pleasure, and not someone else's, but he does it so carefully..."

"Do you like it, that he does that?" Micah has never been particularly a sub, not like Nathaniel is. "I'd think it healthy that you want things, on your own."

"It's different."

He's quiet for a moment, considering.

"I just want to please him, have him keep me."

And that meant he'd do anything Asher wanted him to in order to stay in his vampire's good graces.

Oh, that said volumes. "Is it? Does wanting him to be pleased and keep you replace everything else?"

If it did...there could be problems. "Sounds like you're rapidly getting to the head-over-heels portion of things," he murmurs, thinking. That, in conjunction with Anita's sensibilities, could let things go downhill quick, fast, and in a hurry.

"Head-over-heels?"

Nathaniel shakes his head slightly, causing his throat to throb dully where Asher had bitten him.

"Wanting to please him matters, but I... I need to please Anita, too."

He needed to keep her happy with him so he didn't lose everything he'd just become accustomed to having. He cleaned her hope, did her errands, cooked for everyone... he had to be useful, since she wasn't fucking him, and now that he'd begun what he had with Asher, if she found out, she never would.

Micah had found out what Nathaniel's version of pleasing meant, not long after meeting him.

"Nat, I know what you mean, but Anita's a grown woman. You can please her without being at her beck and call. She's not going to kick you out of the house, or the Pard. I promise." Much as he liked the way the group functioned, there were times when he really did want to remind everyone that nobody here was an invalid.

"She protects me," he insists softly, "She looks out for me."

If she stopped, who would?

"I know she does, and I will too. I just want you to be happy without having to constantly think of what you have to do for other people."

Nathaniel looks over his shoulder, pure honesty in his eyes.

"I don't know how to be any other way, Micah."

"I know. Asher, and the rest of the Pard, can teach you how to act for yourself, if you want. I don't want to make you do anything you don't want, Nat."

"I... think that's a lot harder than you can imagine," he says, laying his cheek against the pillow again.

After all, he'd been doing as he was told since he was twelve, when he'd found himself with his first pimp. Even before that, he'd had Nicky to tell him what to do, making all the hard choices for him.

"I'm not arguing that, you'd know better than I do. But I do want to help you be more...independent. If you want to be."

He hugged him close, purring contentedly at Nathaniel's back. When he fell asleep, Micah might leave, try to figure out where this Asher was to talk to him. Maybe.

Nathaniel's purr begins again, softer, allowing the alpha leopard's purr to dominate his own.

"I can drive. I have my own checking account. I buy all the groceries. I have a job."

Wasn't that independence?

"I know you do all those things, and it makes me glad you do," he says, cutting through the purr. "I just want you content with what you're doing, and not being unnecessarily subservient."

"Am I being unnecessarily subservient?"

Translation: what am I doing wrong?

Micah can hear the other question. "You're not doing anything wrong, Nathaniel. I just want to make sure you're really content," he says, scritching at the base of the leopard's neck.

Nathaniel presses into the scritching, his purr becoming louder. He knew dawn had to have come by now, Damian and Asher long dead to the world, and he sighs.

"I'm content."

The real question was, was he happy? And he didn't know if he wanted to answer that because he knew what the answer would be.

"That's good," he murmurs, letting Nathaniel lean into his hands, wondering if Asher cares that much for him, enough to make him truly happy.

Not just content, not just alright.

He'll watch, and wait, for the moment. Act when he knows what he's dealing with, and who.

Nathaniel yawns and reaches down to yank up the blanket and sheet. He doesn't question where Anita is. She could be doing anything at the moment. All that matters is how tired he is and that he has his Nimir-raj to curl against, to keep him safe while he sleeps.

"Thank you for listening, Micah," he murmurs. "Thank you for keeping it secret for now."

"Always, little kitten," he says, pulling up the blanket with a smile.

Micah doesn't know offhand where Anita is, but for right now it's just the warmth and comfort of curling up with one of his leopards, and knowing he's safe.

Nathaniel smiles. He reaches out and turns off the light, closing his eyes as he settles into bed.

Even this was more than he'd ever hoped for, but he's beginning to wonder if maybe it was time to begin hoping.

Wanting for himself finally.

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